Pillow Talk - Peter and Belinda
Belinda: Peter, sweetie-pie, strong and handsome one, would you mind doing me a favour this morning?
Peter: Of course my high cheek-boned teutonic temptress, anything you ask.
Belinda: Would you please call that horrible man Stephen Harper, that bully who insists on forcing us to work on a principled political agenda, rather than just give those Ontario folks whatever they want.
Peter: Of course munchkin, what would you like me to say to Stevie boy?
Belinda: Tell him that sweet old man Martin replied to my blackberry message last night. You know I send one out every day to my Daddy reporting on what is happening in caucus. I guess I inadvertently sent it to Mr. Martin and he responded right away.
Peter: What did you say in the email my warrior vahine, my amazing amazon?
Belinda: Oh you know, the usual stuff. "Dear Sugar Daddy, that Mr. Harper is so horrid and boring. He has no interest in preserving our non-renewable water resources. He insists on seating me next Stockwell Day who is even more straight and boring than Mr. Harper. Harper is so young Daddy, I won't ever be able to lead this party while he is around. I mean like, he has no life. All he does is read, write policy statements, spend time with his kids. He never boogies down at the clubs by the Rideau Canal with Petie and me - he is just so boring. I wish I could be over on the other side with Scott Brison who is so cool, I love his coloured shirts and those long side-burns and he has such style and he's so gay and so cuddly. I am sad, Sugar Daddy, can you cheer me up?"
Peter: What did Martin say?
Belinda: He is such a sweet man, so like Daddy and almost as rich. He said: "Sweet Belinda, cross the floor with me and I will put you in charge of the most renewable of resources, Human Resources. We have been using them to our advantage for decades now and you just never run out of them Belinda. It is amazing, we abuse them, we lie to them, we steal from them, and when they complain a bit, we just lie to them again, throw back to them some of the money we stole, and tell them we will save them from the scary Conservatives. East of the Manitoba border, they come back to us in droves. It is amazing! And, we Liberals know how to party and we know how to spend money honey, and Scott will be delighted to have your stylish pant suits next to him. He will even forgive you for shacking up with Peter.
Peter: But my dyed blonde goddess, my ticket to paradise, what did you say? What have you done?
Belinda: I said yes silly, what do you expect? I couldn't bear another minute of having to play second fiddle to that Rona Ambrose with her quick tongue, and her own boobs and her perky western enthusiasm and her ideas - God she has all these ideas, like who has time for them unless they get you into power right now. So be a good boy and tell Stevie boy that I am putting on my lavender power pant suit this morning and announcing I am joining the Liberals because, well because, let's see because, well they want me and they believe in Canada and they get it, like you know they understand Quebec, and they won't go to bed with the Bloc, and they like gays, and they like to spend money like - aw Petie, sweetie, don't make me have to think of a reason!
Peter (pulling on his rugby shorts and heading out the room): Oh my dim bimbo Belinda, what have you done? It's back to beer and burgers down at the rugby club for me.
On phone: Hi Stephen, it's Peter. You were right old buddy, money can't buy you love, but it can buy you a cabinet seat.
(Fade to black)
Peter: Of course my high cheek-boned teutonic temptress, anything you ask.
Belinda: Would you please call that horrible man Stephen Harper, that bully who insists on forcing us to work on a principled political agenda, rather than just give those Ontario folks whatever they want.
Peter: Of course munchkin, what would you like me to say to Stevie boy?
Belinda: Tell him that sweet old man Martin replied to my blackberry message last night. You know I send one out every day to my Daddy reporting on what is happening in caucus. I guess I inadvertently sent it to Mr. Martin and he responded right away.
Peter: What did you say in the email my warrior vahine, my amazing amazon?
Belinda: Oh you know, the usual stuff. "Dear Sugar Daddy, that Mr. Harper is so horrid and boring. He has no interest in preserving our non-renewable water resources. He insists on seating me next Stockwell Day who is even more straight and boring than Mr. Harper. Harper is so young Daddy, I won't ever be able to lead this party while he is around. I mean like, he has no life. All he does is read, write policy statements, spend time with his kids. He never boogies down at the clubs by the Rideau Canal with Petie and me - he is just so boring. I wish I could be over on the other side with Scott Brison who is so cool, I love his coloured shirts and those long side-burns and he has such style and he's so gay and so cuddly. I am sad, Sugar Daddy, can you cheer me up?"
Peter: What did Martin say?
Belinda: He is such a sweet man, so like Daddy and almost as rich. He said: "Sweet Belinda, cross the floor with me and I will put you in charge of the most renewable of resources, Human Resources. We have been using them to our advantage for decades now and you just never run out of them Belinda. It is amazing, we abuse them, we lie to them, we steal from them, and when they complain a bit, we just lie to them again, throw back to them some of the money we stole, and tell them we will save them from the scary Conservatives. East of the Manitoba border, they come back to us in droves. It is amazing! And, we Liberals know how to party and we know how to spend money honey, and Scott will be delighted to have your stylish pant suits next to him. He will even forgive you for shacking up with Peter.
Peter: But my dyed blonde goddess, my ticket to paradise, what did you say? What have you done?
Belinda: I said yes silly, what do you expect? I couldn't bear another minute of having to play second fiddle to that Rona Ambrose with her quick tongue, and her own boobs and her perky western enthusiasm and her ideas - God she has all these ideas, like who has time for them unless they get you into power right now. So be a good boy and tell Stevie boy that I am putting on my lavender power pant suit this morning and announcing I am joining the Liberals because, well because, let's see because, well they want me and they believe in Canada and they get it, like you know they understand Quebec, and they won't go to bed with the Bloc, and they like gays, and they like to spend money like - aw Petie, sweetie, don't make me have to think of a reason!
Peter (pulling on his rugby shorts and heading out the room): Oh my dim bimbo Belinda, what have you done? It's back to beer and burgers down at the rugby club for me.
On phone: Hi Stephen, it's Peter. You were right old buddy, money can't buy you love, but it can buy you a cabinet seat.
(Fade to black)
posted by Ben Buan | 9:33 a.m.
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